Halloween: I don't think anything will ever out-cute the year of the Monchichi

Girl be pissed looking in 2010-- Quack, quack.

So this kid of mine...

So this kid of mine...

 

this child who makes a smile cover my face just when I think of her... this child who is so much more than I ever imagined... this child who is so damn smart and funny... this child who is quickly approaching 4... this child who is going to be a Pirate tomorrow for Halloween despite not allowing us to leave Costco one day last month without a Rapunzel costume (and wig)... this child who is worried that my hair is still white... this child who can't wait to have a baby come from her tummy one day... this child who is the essence of life, of beauty, of innocence, of purity...

She's said some fun things this year that I haven't really recorded here but probably should. Unfortunately I only started posting her quips to Facebook the other month so this is all I have:

Lovie: Mama can I have some hot chocolate?

Me: How about some warm milk?

Lovie: Well hot chocolate is made with milk so how about some hot chocolate?

 
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Lovie: Mama why is your hair white?

Me: Because I'm getting old.

Lovie: Does that mean you're gonna be dead?

Me, wanting to scoop her into my arms forever: No baby, hopefully not for a long time.   

 

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obviously this isn't a real conversation... not really:

Hi my name is Lovie and I'm so excited today is Saturday because that means we're having our tea party!! So because I'm so excited it took me extra long to fall asleep last night and then at 4:30 this morning I got up and came into my mommy and daddy's room because IT'S SATURDAY AND THAT MEANS WE'RE HAVING A TEA PARTY!!!! So what if the party isn't till 3 pm? IT'S SATURDAY AND THAT MEANS TEA PARTY DAY!!!!

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Me: [Lovie], can you pick up the popsicle stick from the floor?

 

Lovie: popsicle?? Did somebody say popsicle?

 

Me, looking at used stick on floor from popsicle she consumed minutes prior: Yes, can you please pick up the popsicle stick and throw it away?

 

Lovie: popsicle?? Yeah sure I'll have another popsicle.

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Me: So what do you want for Christmas?

 

Lovie, sitting upright in bed: A baby. I want a baby in my tummy (she pats her belly) because I haven't had a baby come from my tummy yet so that's what I want for Christmas.

 

Me, looking at her and then quickly back down to the books we were reading: Oh honey, it's going to be a long, loooong time before you can have a baby in your belly.

 

 

 

 

 

the pumpkin farm: 2010-2013

very random and emotional

I sit at my desk at work and look at pictures of Lovie-- from her birth announcement to a black and white printout of a shot from the other week's tea party.

I can't help but see how most of the photos are from photo cards with Lovie plastered on them: Easter/Spring, Christmas, Mother's Day, New Year's, Valentine's Day. And then it dawns on me that I haven't done a photo card in quite some time.

It's mid-October. I believe the last photo card I sent was last Christmas.

It's a symbol of the year I've had, I think.

Oma's passing in late March occupied so much of me-- both physically and emotionally, of course. It's been some time since I've last reflected on her (here on the blog). I've shed so many tears, felt so much heartbreak and poured it all out here.

Right now I'm crying... the tears flow once again.

I miss my Oma.

She loved getting the photo cards of Lovie. Any time I would visit her (and my mom), I would see the latest card displayed and I'd always find the others tucked in other places around the house as well.

My Oma and My Lovie: the two most important females in my life.

Wow, I'm incredibly sad right now. I'm not sure why to be honest, but the tears are making it quite difficult to compose this post. The tears and the shaking from trying to hold back the tears.

It's been a while... a long while since I've last reflected on Oma. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. Just odd that it's happening on such a random fall day.

I guess that's life though, huh?

Freezing time

Bliss is watching your child glow from doing something they absolutely love to do but don't get the chance to do it too often.

This past Saturday we took a long drive out to a friends house for a birthday party for a brand new 3-year-old. The weather, while threatening to rain, actually ended up being quite perfect. Especially for two hours of pony rides. There was Dolly (left) who was bigger and so pretty and then there was Macaroni (right) who was dolled up like a unicorn, of course. What birthday party is complete without a unicorn?!

Lovie was in heaven during all of the party. Aside from the two hours of pony rides, there were leaves with kid-size rakes to be raked, pizza and cake, and a sandbox.

But the absolute highlight was seeing her face washed with a smile around those ponies.

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Bliss is watching a lonely old man realize how loved and cared for he really is.

This past Sunday we threw a surprise party for my dad's 80th birthday. It wasn't very lavish and there were only about 25 people (local family) in attendance, but it was perfect because the surprise was an absolute success-- in the end.

My dad almost ruined the surprise by driving downtown instead of being home when my nephew went to pick him up, but luckily my nephew called him and ordered him back to the burbs where the party was being held in a pizza place near Lovie's school. We all watched from the party room (located upstairs) when my dad finally arrived and started frantically waving his arms around while his face got red because of whatever he was bitching about to my poor nephew. Something about how he had to rush everywhere because  "nobody can-ah answer the phone-ah when [he] calls-ah."

Seeing his reaction after he opened the door to the party and after everyone shouted SURPRISE made my heart fill with so much warmth. He looked so happy, so pleasantly surprised, as everyone lined up to give him a hug and wish him a Happy Birthday.

There was lots of laughter, running around, frosting being thrown, tickles... We had calamari, spinach dip and tortilla chips, salad, pasta, pizza and pop.

Several people told me how great it was for me to throw the party and while that was sweet of them to say, I just don't understand why it's a big deal. The man turned 80. Granted 80 isn't 100, but 80 is still a big friggin deal. Why not let someone know you care about them today before it's too late?!

I mean, I didn't throw it to be thanked. I didn't throw it because it was expected. I threw it because a) he's old and turned EIGHTY, b) he needs to understand that people really do still care about him even though he's living in a retirement home and doesn't always hear from us. And all of that was very much accomplished so yay!

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Bliss is feeling your baby girl's hand reach for your hand to hold onto while she drifts to sleep.

This love of mine did just that this morning at about 4:30 after she came in our room because she had to go potty. After she did her business, she sleepily said, "I go sleep in mama and daddy's bed now" while she slumbered into her room to grab her pillow and Grandmabear. She climbed up into our bed and planted herself in the middle between Taye and me, and a couple minutes later, she took my hand, which was near my face, and held onto it while she brought it closer to her. Slowly I could feel her grip lessen as she drifted off to sleep.

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There are times when you wish you could just freeze time. These are some of mine lately. What are some of yours?

a couple conversations and a quick tea party review

"Mama, am I still three and a half?"

"Yes, baby. You've got a couple more months till you're four. Remember, first there's Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then right after Christmas is..."

"My birthdaaaaaaay!"

"Yup."

"And for my birthday, I want to hang a pinyana at the jumpy house."

"A piñata?"

"Yes, a pinyana. Because yesterday the other day when we went to Target to get you coffee, Daddy and me saw the pinyana and that's what I want at my birthday party in the room with the pizza and cake not by the jumpy things."

"You got it, love."

"Mama, your hair is still white."

"Yes, you're right. It is. Why?"

"Well you can't be my mommy wif white hair."

"I will always always always always be your mommy, you hear?"

"But if your hair isn't like mine then you can't be my mommy."

"Well maybe I'll color it green."

Lovie looks at me, mouth ajar as I smile.

"I'll still be your mama with green or white or no hair."

 

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The Bitty Baby Tea Party was quite the success.

 

Seven little girls, all dolled up with their baby dolls. Tea party sets to play with. Finger foods. Cupcakes.

Lots of pink and purple, lots of giggles (and a little drama), lots and lots of fun.

i never in all my life dreamed i'd ever talk so much about pink and dolls and girly stuff

When I was a young girl, I wasn't a big fan of being a girl. I wanted to be a boy. I refused to wear dresses. I hated playing with dolls. I wanted to ride a BMX bike and play soccer. I wanted little girly girls everywhere to quit whining and acting so damn ... girly.

 

And then, a lifetime later, I found out I was going to be having a girl of my own. My dreams of becoming a mom were about to come true and they would involve Momming a girl.

 

A GIRL.

 

Both Taye and I agreed on limiting the pink stuff. We both agreed she would be who she was and not on the account of what we or the media tells her to be.

 

So her room was very gender neutral--yellow and green and brown. Her clothes and books and toys had very little pink in them. It wasn't easy to stay clear of pink, but it was doable for sure.

 

Then, this little baby started growing, and she started talking and walking and conveying to the world what she liked, who she was:

 

A pink-loving, baby doll-doting, dress/tutu-wearing girly girl.

 

At first, I cringed at all the pink she insisted on. She wanted pink toys, pink books, pink dolls, pink dresses, pink shoes, a pink bike. The more pink she was submerged in, the happier she was.

 

While I cringed at the infiltration of pink in my life, seeing my baby grow into the person she is made the pink very much okay. I can deal with it. The pink, the dolls, the dresses, the ballet, the squeals, the drama. I can deal with it all while wearing a huge smile on my face because I know my girl is who she is because that's who she wants to be. Yes, I've heard her say things like, "Oh that's a boy show" or something, but I've always told her there really wasn't such things only for boys or only for girls. If she wanted to wear boots and play in the mud, she could. If she wanted to wear a tutu and have a tea party, she could. I would and will support her in whatever she likes.

 

So when I saw that House Party was having an American Girl doll party that would provide the chosen hosts with a Bitty Baby doll in exchange for the host throwing a tea party... I absolutely knew this was something I had to do. So I applied and I was giddy. And then I was chosen to host, and I felt these waves of warm sunshine enrapture me because I knew my girly girl would be ecstatic.

 

 

 

 

For weeks now I've been telling Lovie how we were going to have a tea party with her little friends and her new baby doll that would be coming soon. And yesterday, she finally got to meet her new baby.

And a week from tomorrow, we'll finally have our tea party--our pink infused tea party.

And I can't wait!



*Neither House Party nor American Girl asked me to write this. There is no charge to join House Party. I paid nothing for the box of goodies I received. I'm simply stating my opinion on the horrid color of pink and whatever else is posted here. ;)

Daddy's Girl

These two:

They own my heart.

Especially when I see them together.

Last night Taye got home maybe 10 minutes after Lovie and me. This doesn't happen often. Maybe once every other month. More than not, Taye doesn't get home till after Lovie is in bed. Maybe once a week, he makes it home right at bedtime.

Last night we knew Taye wasn't going to be late, but we didn't know how early he'd be. So when Lovie saw him standing there in the laundry room (where the back entrance is)... it was like the heavens had opened up and shined a light on just the two of them. She screamed DADDY! and ran and leapt into his arms and just hugged him and hugged him. Then she looked over at me with the hugest smile before squeezing Taye again. They stood in the doorway hugging for at least four minutes. I should've gotten a camera because it was truly such a beautiful moment but I didn't think it would last as long as it did.

They both were so incredibly happy to just be there in that moment in time. Nothing spectacular going on in the day, no special reason. Just Daddy getting home from work a little early and his baby girl happy to see him.

This is what it's all about. These tiny little insignificant moments.

gush

“She seems so much older than three.”

 

I’ve been hearing this a lot lately.

 

Granted Lovie is just three months shy of four, but still, she’s three.

 

 

The girl has quite the vocabulary and can talk your ear off. She’s been like this since before two, believe it or not. Now though, she’s added spelling and writing her name and a few other words to the mix. And she absolutely loves all books (still), including books on CD in the car and at bedtime.

 

She’s a very smart girl who catches on immediately. She absorbs everything. And I do mean everything (as do most littles).

 

So I think that’s why people have been saying that she seems older than she is.

 

taking over piano duty at the grocery store

 

 

I generally just smile when people interact with her; I find it quite entertaining to watch when it happens, which is pretty much wherever we go. If you give her the time of day, she’ll find something to chat about. She’s a lot like her dad in that respect.

 

 

 

 

I’m glad she’s so social and verbal and communicative. I really am. I’m so proud of her I can’t even put it into words.

 

And my love for her? It truly does expand each and every day. How that’s possible, I have no freaking idea, but it truly does.

 

 

 

Still, when I hear people comment that she seems so much older than she is, a part of me worries. I suppose that’s because I’m a natural born worrier--people have been telling me all my life that I worry too much.

 

I just really want her to love life and live life to the fullest. I don’t want her to seem older because her youth was snatched from her.

 

I don’t want her to become me.

 

But I know she’s not me. I know she’s oh so different than me. She likes pink and dresses and princesses and ballet and tea parties and ponies.

 

 

 

She’s super outgoing and so much fun.

 

So it’s okay that she seems older. Because I know her childhood is still intact. I know her innocence and sense of wonder still remains. And I will do all that I can to ensure that it remains for a long, long time.

 

 

 

It’s just that I want her to remember jumping on the bed...having a popsicle for breakfast on Sunday morning...watching one more episode of Team Umizoomi before bed.

 

I want her to look back fondly on her youth.

 

I want a smile to shine on that gorgeous face when someone talks about childhood and she starts to reminisce.

 

 

I just need to let go of my insecurities from my own childhood, and try not to read into what people say about Lovie.

 

She seems older, yes, but she’s three and a half. Just ask her, she’ll tell you.

 

 

Throwback Thursday: yeah, she's definitely mine.

There's no denying this little is mine.

 

On the left are photos of photos of me when I was itty bitty, once upon a time, 41 years ago (so glad they had color back then!). On the right are photos of my sweet Lovie from three years ago. As you can see, she's kinda my mini me. 

But that's really the only things that are similar between us. She's all girl, all dresses and skirts, all pink, all the time. I'm not anything like that. It's odd how very different she is... but it's also freaking awesome. I love that, at only 3 years and 8 months, this little chica knows who she is and loves who she is: All Girl.

My girl.