TILTW: 11.24-11.30

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I'm so glad NaBloPoMo is over as of this post. I like my little blog. I love writing. But feeling like I have to do so every single day is just not for me... or a bunch of other folk. ;)
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I'm elated that our family circles don't really do gift wish lists.
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I really want to give more to those in need. Last year I was able to adopt a family to give a gift to at Christmas. This year they're not doing that and it sucks. Yes, I bring in canned goods and unwrapped toys for Toys for Tots, but I want to give more. And I want Lovie to see me give more. Her school set up a large decorated box next to the sign-in area for toy donations. I mentioned to Lovie that we need to get a toy or two to bring in for the box. She started sulking, "But I want a new toy." It was pathetic and I know she wants and deserves a new toy (we don't buy much throughout the year and her birthday is 4 days after Christmas so she's in "need"). She's still so little and doesn't grasp that there are people out there who need--truly need--food, shelter, clothing, toys. Sadly we don't belong to a church or anything that might have a wishing tree or whatever where you can adopt a family and since we're not doing it at work, I need to find out where to be able to do this. I need Lovie to be a part of it- pick the family or something. She's not grasping it when we go shopping and buy for others because she wants it... maybe if she's a part of picking the person/family, it will click more? I don't want her to feel bad or sad, but I need her to know that this season isn't about receiving.
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A month from today, we'll be recouping from Lovie's 3rd birthday party and preparing to ring in a new year. WOW does time fly.

"Mom" by Lovie

I was gonna do this and then I wasn't. I was gonna do it and then had her do it but then decided to post this instead. But then I saw and read this and laughed so hard I had to share mine after all.

So that's that and this is it... Lovie's portrait of ... Me:

I stood by her as she created this. She kept looking at me and saying, "Ok now for the ... ears!" or whatever it was she drew next. She didn't look at me for the face, eyes, hair, or nose because I guess those she knows by heart. The rest she looked at me and studied me for 2.2 seconds before adding to her masterpiece.

So here's the breakdown, per Lovie:

 

Truth of the matter is, she's got it about right: I'm a blob.

The last month

One month from today, my sweet baby doll will be turning three years old.

 

THREE

 

There's one thing I can say for certain about that...

These have been the best three years of my life.

 

 

Oh me oh my I'm so incredibly blessed.

 

Now, please excuse me as I get a bit verklempt thinking about all this.

 

 

 

words absolutely can hurt

My mom shipped me and my brother off to stay with my grandparents during the summer before I turned 10. My grandparents lived in the city in a 2 flat with my uncle living in the apartment below them. On weekends, my favorite cousin in the world, just six months older than me, would visit her dad (my uncle). It was the highlight of my time at my grandparents that summer because during the week, when it was just my brother and me and my grandparents, life was horribly dull. We weren't allowed to watch TV, we weren't allowed to be in the house most of the time. We could only eat what was provided at the time it was provided and we had no contact with our friends back home.

I was miserable and angry, so one day during my stay at Oma and Ota's, I wrote a letter to my cousin describing my misery. In it I referenced our grandmother as being a bitch. I tucked the letter in a dresser in my cousin's room for her to find the next weekend she'd visit her dad.

A day or so later, my uncle asked me to come down into my cousin's bedroom where he confronted me about the letter.

He was so very upset with me, I thought he might cry. I was so shocked he found the letter, I didn't really know what to say. All I knew was that I didn't mean the words as they were taken.

"Please don't tell Oma I said that," I remember begging.

He assured me he would never say such horrible words to her and I breathed a sigh a relief, but he also assured me that he was horribly upset with what I had done. He made me promise to never even think such awful things about Oma again. And I promised. I cried and I promised because the truth of the matter is that Oma always was and always will be the most important woman in my life.

She means so much to me, I can't even clearly express it. So the fact that I know I wrote those words of my own fruition, and that her beloved son read them and interpreted them in the worst way possible, slices my heart. Even at almost 10. And it still does today.

photo unknowingly snapped from my cell phone on 11/24/12

I have a shitty memory but that's one moment I will never forget. And every single time I see my grandmother and hug her frail body, I think of the damn letter and the awful words I wrote and thank God she never found the letter that my uncle destroyed before she could see it. If she ever, even for one moment, thought I disrespected her in such a way, I'd be mortified.

She's my Oma and I love her more than words could ever say.

the night shift { - FICTION - }

You know, I don’t even remember his name- and I’m ok with that. I had desires that needed to be met and he met them. Wonderfully well. Actually, he exceeded them. How can I not remember his name then? Because it was a one-time thing and that’s what happens: You don’t talk much, you just fuck.

I enjoyed it so much I’m not sure what took me so long to go for it-- the one-night stand with a stranger.

I'd had a one-night stand before, of course, but I knew the guy. His name was Bruce and I lusted over him for quite some time before something happened. We were really good friends at work and he was going through a divorce. I wasn’t initially attracted to him, but time and alcohol in front of a bonfire happened, and that left me with a big smile on my face.

Until he told me two days later that it was a mistake and that he really just wanted to get back together with his soon-to-be-ex-wife. “But of course we could still be friends and hang at work.”

Oh boy was I crushed.

Until I started to dabble with online personal ads. After a couple months of flirting via email and instant messaging, I started meeting up with some guys. Soon, I discovered I was a hot commodity as they all seemed to want more than just sex. I wasn’t in a place for all the extra bullshit that comes along with more. I didn’t give a shit about their families or their past. I just wanted to get laid. And while that happened a couple of times, most wanted more and I began to pick up on it almost immediately.

The last guy I met up with from an online ad was pretty clear with his desires for a girlfriend as soon as we sat down at the bar, so after several strong drinks, I ditched him to go to the bathroom. When I came out, my eyes locked with this older guy standing at the end of the hallway of the bathrooms. As I turned to walk through the masses of people sweating and dancing to get back to my date at the bar, the older guy grabbed my arm.

Shocked, I turned to look at him and his mouth opened to say something, but the vibrating music ruled all. The force from his yank caught me off guard and I ended up nearly jumping on him as he said whatever he said before leaning in and breathing his warmth onto my neck.

I was absolute mush at that point and he knew it. He started kissing me and I kissed him back, tongues dancing with vigor. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me closer to him as he sat on a bar stool where I felt his hardness. I pushed away from him, grabbing his hand to follow me, and pressed our way through the crowds.

My fingers inside the waist of his paints pulling him toward me, I asked “Where’s your car?” as the cold, outside air smacked me in the face.

He smiled and I could see the wrinkles fold around his eyes. Then he led me to his car, and once sitting inside, we immediately started kissing again. I reached for his pants and he gripped my hand and said that we needed to get out of the parking lot we were in.

“Fine by me,” I said.

He drove to a desolate area near a strip mall and parked. We kissed some more before I unzipped his pants and went down on him. After a couple minutes he pulled me off him by my hair and asked if he could take me to a motel.

“Let’s go,” I answered. “I don’t normally do this kind of stuff but—“

He wasn’t listening.

“I don’t have condoms,” I lied.

“I do.”

He pulled into a motel and ran into the office. I sat there debating whether or not to get out of the car. I didn’t know the guy from Adam and he could’ve been some mass murderer or something. But I needed to get laid, so I took my chances. We got into the room and there was just a bed with a table. I don’t even think there was a TV but I suppose there must’ve been. All I know is he started peeling his clothes away, sat on the bed, told me to come toward him and lifted my shirt off. Then he took off my skirt and panties.

A couple hours later, still pitch black out, he said he had to go and asked where my car was. I told him it was at a McDonald's near the highway. We left the room and hopped in his car. He stopped outside the office and ran in to pay the bill while the clerk looked out at me. I knew what she was thinking because I was thinking it too, but I also didn’t give a fuck because for the first time in forever, I felt like a woman- cliché as that is.

He drove me to my car in silence and that was that.

I drove toward home and in the 45 minutes it took to get there, the sun was coming up. It was the perfect Saturday morning to stop off for fresh donuts for my husband and the kids.

Dispatching the overnight sure did have some perks.

 

day 26 NaBloPoMo: Listicle

Not a day goes by when I'm not grateful and thankful for my phone. It's not an iPhone but it is a smart phone with a nice little camera and man, what a godsend that handy little thing is... How lucky will Lovie be to have all these photos of her and her life to look back on (opposed to the not even one photo album from my youth... third child problems).

1= the sleeper part of our third "new" couch from Ashley Furniture in two months- the sleeper part constantly bottoms out and ends up on the floor. it's super hard not to get frustrated about this. the love seat is perfectly fine so I'm guessing it's just that this piece shouldn't be made as a sleeper, but the fact that Ashley won't just say that and rectify the situation with a new non-shitty sleeper, has really gotten on my last nerve.

2= Lovie on Thanksgiving night with 8 pony tails in her hair, napless, and about ready to pass out

3= Lovie putting ornaments on the tree the other night

4= Taye and Lovie watch Sofia the Princess

5= Finished Christmas Tree

6= Yesterday's "quiet time" results

7= Pancakes or Cheerios?

8= Christopher Pop-in-kins (cuter version-IMO-of elf on the shelf) has made his appearance

9= Miss "No I don't wanna nap" before a birthday party the other week.

10= Homage to Hostess

Day 25 NaBloPoMo: one month from today

not the greatest photo quality since this comes from my cell phone but it's better than nothing:

here's the before SOTC:

Day 24 NaBloPoMo: time

I can't believe it's Saturday already. And it's going to be damn busy-- gymnastics, lunch, long drive out to my mom and grandmothers place. We'll be lucky to be home by 7 tonight. Ugh I like slower days at home. At work the days drag and what I wouldn't do for some of that drag at home on the weekends. Thinking about having to blog every day doesn't help matters either. If I've learned anything through this month's commitment of blogging daily, it's that I'm really not a blogger. I'm just a doting mama who likes to write.

Day 23 NaBloPoMo: the day after

Twas the day after Thanksgiving and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for the damn cats fighting in the hallway and the near 3 year old screaming for Mommy to cover her with blankets at 7 in the morning.

Mommy tiptoed into her child's room and covered her quickly and ignored her when she asked for Daddy to tell her a spooky story. Mommy saw the owl was green signifying it's OK for the child to wake, but she also saw it was on the floor, face down so the child, clearly still very tired, hasn't woken and it's been nearly 2 hours!

Mommy is sipping some still hot hot coffee and nibbling on some frozen pound cake-- the two textures and temperatures colliding in her mouth being enjoyed to the max.

Daddy is snoring in bed, Lovie is snoring in her bed. It's nearly 9AM the day after Thanksgiving.

Boxes marked "XMAS" are stacked in the foyer and dining room areas waiting to be opened and decor scattered about. And an elf waits on the TV to begin a new Christmas tradition.

Twas the day after Thanksgiving and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for the damn cats still whining about something.

Oh and now the child is joining in with the whiny cats.

Happy Holidays!! Let the Fa La La La's begin!

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not Fa La La related but damn cute nonetheless:

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Oh and big news!! I'm finally a friggin winner! Hizzah!

Thanksgiving Day

Here we are. It's 10:13 in the morning. I've got cinnamon rolls in my belly, the water is running in the kitchen while Taye does what he has to do to absolutely demolish the kitchen and create a fabulous Thanksgiving meal. I'm so thankful for him and his love of cooking (but I abhor the mess I always have to clean up).

Lovie's in the living room watching Mickey Mouse before Sofia the Princess comes on. She cried for us to cover her with blankets at 5:30 when she'd normally have to wake for the day (during the normal workweek), and proceeded to sleep in till after 8AM. Cray cray, I tell you!

The in-laws are set to come over around 3 (so they should be here by 5).

We still need to move the shitty couches and dining room table and chairs... and vacuum. Lord help us do we need to vacuum.

I'm excited for the day to end so we can get all the Christmas crap up tomorrow! I love me the holiday season with Lovie. So fun.

Gobble, gobble: Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh and go read and vote here and especially here. Do it. DO IT!