focus

I'm pretty fortunate.

As much as I don't want to be at work (who does?), I've got it made pretty good here.

I had my review yesterday and I was a little afraid of what might be said because ever since Lovie's been born... I've changed. Quite a bit. And it's effecting my work life, too.

See, I don't really give a shit about anyone or anything- other than Lovie- anymore.

She's everything to me.

I realize how ... insane ... that may sound. So I'm hoping because I realize it's a little crazy- my absolute addiction to this child- that means I'm not really insane. KWIM? I mean, do crazy folk know they're crazy?

Yeah anyway, I've fucked up several times since coming back to work in early March. Several times. I went from never screwing up (seriously) to fucking up more than once. And that's costly for us.

You add that to the fact that things in the department have drastically changed and we don't make but half of what we used to and I'm really surprised I still have a job.

That's why I'm pretty fortunate.

Bossman happens to be a dad of 3 and he's one of those really involved dads... like, he's off on Halloween if it falls during the workweek.  I was hoping this would work well for me, and it has. Thankfully.

We talked about how it's been since being back and it's really the first time I've really thought about it and realized how much I've changed. (Of course I didn't tell him that I could give a rat's ass about what I do and if I fuck up. I mean, I don't like fucking up, but it's not like I'm saving lives here. There's really nothing to stress over. It's not like I can go back in time and fix what I broke.)  And admitting that out loud to him- that I've changed and "lost focus"??? That was some hard shit to say out loud to my Boss! I actually welled up! (But I'm a wuss so really that wasn't so shocking.)

But he was really cool about it... telling me that he understood, telling me that they were there to work with me, that they don't expect things to be perfect all the time, that we're all only human, that if I need to take time off (I have very little due to using it all during maternity leave) to let him know, etc.  I was really kind of touched.

Too bad I still don't give a rat's ass.

I just want my Lovie.

THE Party

I'm so excited!

The place is booked, the invites are in. All that's left is addressing the invites, slapping stamps on the envelopes and dropping them in the mail. And order a cake. And that's really about it. Well, and decide what pizza's to serve. Ok now that's really about it. For real.

I can't even convey how stinkin' happy this makes me feel... like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders... like I can exhale.

Ahhhhhh.

So.. check it:


the decor where THE party will be held (yes, the walls, et al are graffiti-ized- who needs streamers and shit?)

 

the food that will be served at THE party
(yes, friends, that's CHICAGO STYLE deep dish pizza- though there will also be thin crust and pan crust available as well)

ooooo unlimited pop will be available at THE party (yes, even clear pop- and water, too!)

the Costco cake that will be served at THE party (yes, with that design but with my kid's info)

I can't believe that in one month from today, a photographer will be coming to the house to shoot my Lovie for her 1st birthday pictures... 11 days before she turns ONE... 14 days before THE party of the year.

Wow.

I'm so glad to have all this taken care of already. It's such a relief not to have to spend the next 40 something days stressed over every little tiny thing.  It's costing us a couple extra pennies to do this outside, but the fact that we won't have to worry about setup or cleanup... priceless, to me.  Because it means we get more time with the love of our lives... who'll be ONE... in 42 days.

Wordless Wednesday: Now what?

FTR she normally uses this as a push toy but I turned it into the ride on, placed her on it, and was pushing her around until I got my camera to snap a couple pictures.

The Paper Mama Photo Challenge: Cozy

Makes you wanna go and get yourself into a pair of footed pj's yourself, no?

It really doesn't matter

I'm beyond exhausted right now but it really doesn't matter.
I could go on and on about how sucktastically awful the weekend was- but it really doesn't matter.
I could tell you how my Lovie was feverish when I picked her up Friday from daycare and how she slept in the car and then again when we got home at 445 and didn't wake until 2am for a bottle... I could tell you how she was feverish on and off all day Saturday and how she took THREE very long naps after sleeping 15 hours (excluding waking to eat) Friday night... I could go on about how yesterday she was in better spirits but I wasn't and still am not because of this horrific cough that's invaded my body. Again.

I could go on and on about all of that and about how we have raccoons that party on our roof every night keeping us up and that the stupid landlord thinks it's just one little raccoon and that it's not a big deal when we're up every mofo night trying to scare them off.

But none of it matters... all that matters is her:

As long as she does her thing and smiles and has fun, then all is good in the world.

The Paper Mama Holiday Card Challenge 2010

So I'm totally new to this whole altering photos thing. I mean, I've added text to photos or gotten rid of a zit or ten on Photoshop (but that's at home and I'm very rarely on the computer when I'm home, remember?!) but nothing to the extent of altering it like I did for this challenge. But WHAT STINKIN' FUN! I'm so glad I found this challenge and The Paper Mama because of it.

Most of it was done in boring Paint but, considering that fact, I think it turned out pretty gosh darn OK if I do say so myself. Eek!

What do you think?

hehe, I'm *seriously* considering printing these and sending them out to some folk who I know would get a kick out of it... : D

Secret Thursday: POLL

Another Thursday, another It's Secret Thursday post.

Except I don't have any secrets... none that I care sharing at least.

So I'm hoping you'll share a secret with me, instead. See the POLL on the left of the page there? Please answer it, if you'd be so kind: DO YOU MAKE MONEY OFF YOUR BLOG?

I have no desire to be the world's most popular blog, but if I can make some $$ while blogging, then why not?  I'm just curious to see how many people that read my non-money making blog make money off of their own blogs. I'm *really* curious to know HOW you make money on your blog but I guess we'll leave that one for another time...

Wordless Wednesday: Guess what I did with these when I got them.

Linking up with LeeAnn and her cuties!

Daycare Woes *edited- ha!*

So there's this teacher at Lovie's daycare, we'll refer to her as "Red". I'm not sure how long she's been there but I didn't start seeing her until just the past two months or so. To be blunt, I don't care for her. At all. And I'm doing my best not to let it get to me but there's just something about her that really rubs me the wrong way (and I'm generally a very good judge of character).

See, Red never ever ever greets me in the morning when Lovie and I arrive. She sits her happy pasty white ass in the chair at the only table in the room which I need to utilize to date Lovie's bottles and just ignores us. I understand not wanting to be all chatty first thing in the morning (630ish) since she's not Lovie's teacher but, um, if you're gonna sit there and be in my way, an acknowledgement (you know- nod your head, make eye contact, SOMETHING) would be nice. She never says boo to Lovie either. She just sits there and stuffs her face with a bagel and talks to the other teachers who are Lovie's teachers or a couple other kids who are generally there (older and able to communicate).

I could let all this go. I could and I have. Ignore me... fine. Ignore my kid... and my eye is on you but I can still let it go because I'm confident in Lovie's teachers.

But then there was a week several weeks ago when she was acting director. I wasn't seeing her in the morning, but I was seeing and hearing her in the afternoon when I'd pick up Lovie. And every single day, she'd be all, "Hiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Like I was Bryan Adams or something! And each day I tried my best to ignore her but I just don't roll like that- not when someone says Hi. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated so because I would like others to acknowledge my existence, when they do, I can't ignore them.

But I felt sick every time I'd say Hi back. And in my head, I was all, "Yeah you can say Hi now to me you little bitch because you've got super powers now that you're director wannabe."

UGH. It's so silly, I realize this.

Anyway, for the past couple weeks, I just drop any eye contact should my eyes meet hers. Plus Lovie hasn't been at daycare too much the past month because of all the damn diarrhea so I just haven't seen her much or felt the attitude from Red.

Well now we're back to daycare this week. Today is day 2. And today was day 2 of Red ignoring us. And I've about had it. Seriously. She fucking sits there and talks shit about the older kids running around like I'm not even there ("Oh look at Lily's hair.. it looks... nice." Nice meaning "Nice- for once."). She ignores me and Lovie. I'm just really beyond being in 8th grade, frankly. I hated it then, I hate it tenfold now.

I'm SO close to snapping on her little ass. I mean, I'm all snarky in my head but I just zip my mouth shut. Why? Because a) I don't want Lovie to be a mean bitch like I can be, b) I don't want Lovie's teachers treating her differently, c) I'm just not one to stir the pot... unless it's about to boil. Then, for some reason, I'm fucking good at stirring the pot (I've gotten people fired, for example. Gross, I know!).

So. Do I...

1. continue to let this shit boil inside of me
2. snap on Red the next time I see fit
3. say something to the director
4. who the fuck cares

What would you do?

EDIT (or would this be an update or amended?? I think this is actually AMENDED!):

*so I wrote this post quickly then ran to lunch and on my way back (from checking out the pizza joint for Lovie's party), I realized that I probably sound like an idiot. I'm ranting over some little teenie bopper (OK maybe she's all of 20- sorry!) ignoring me and Lovie when she's not even Lovie's teacher. Who's the tool now? Ugh. Can I blame this rant on my period? Because I did just get it last night and I'm a bit... raged because of it.

PROGRESS!

Some good came out of the past five days dealing with Lovie's 2nd bout with diarrhea (in a month!)... aside from spending so much one on one time with the love of my life (though I will admit that I wanted to run far, far away by Friday night due to a horrific day of diaper changes and dealing with an unhappy baby's raw bottom) whom I miss so much more than usual now, as a result, I also made some calls and figured out what we're doing for her birthday AND I finished her invite- sort of!

There's a couple minor things I need to still change on the invite (like change it from Ms. to Miss) but for the most part, I just need to plug in the final location and get these printed.

Notice the LACK of Pink?!???? Aha, that's what makes me the happiest about these. Well, that, and the fact that it's adorned with three pics of my little cutie.

We've also made a decision regarding party details...

drumroll please

...we're doing a pizza party! Plain and simple: Pizza and Pop followed by cake at a pizza joint. That means setup and cleanup is all taken care of and all we do is show up (with a cake and some balloons and a banner perhaps), eat, open gifts, and go. Isn't that how it should be??

Now I'm getting super excited instead of just being anxious and whatnot. I'm finally sleeping without being consumed with her 1st party. It feels good to be honest. Real good. Eek. My baby doll's gonna be ONE in just 52 days!

WOW.

N

     Eek!

I already ordered, received, washed and hung up her party dress (no pink- holla!)... just gotta pick which place we're going with and make a deposit, finish up and get the invites printed and mailed (probably try and shoot for getting these mailed just before Thanksgiving- may be a little early but who cares? have you seen the cuteness on that card?!), order a cake (nothing fancy- just a big ass 1 on a sheet cake with her name on it). That's really it. Then we'll pick up the cake and some balloons and off we'll go to the party.

For her actual birthday on Dec 29th, it'll just me, the hubs, and our doll at home with some presents, balloons, a cupcake, lots of pictures, and an insane amount of hugs and kisses, giggles and belly laughs!

: )