November 22, 2013


This morning was a bit rough: Lovie kind of lost her shit when it was time to go to school.

"I want daddy to take me!"

"Honey, you have to let us know beforehand that's what you want so daddy can arrange for that to happen."

"I want daddy to take me!"

"Daddy can you take her?"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I can't today."


This went on for several minutes. Tears flooded her face. She started to smack her hand down to emphasize that she was being serious (I guess). She was so very unhappy. And all I could do was look at the clock and get warmer and warmer because I detest running late and when I get anxious or angry or breathe, I get warm these days.

"Honey, daddy can take you another day, right daddy?"


"I know that's what you want but we can't always get what we want." (ugh, I hated when my mother, brother or sister would say this to me... at least I didn't say, How does it feel to want? the way my asshat brother use to.)


"It's time to go."


She just cried and wiggled herself against her dad who lay on the bed. And anytime we tried touching her or saying something, she'd just freak out even more. Finally it got to the point where if we didn't leave at that moment, I'd be very late so I just walked out of the room saying goodbye.

I know that's horrible, but it was that or scream.

Twenty seconds later I could hear the bedroom door open and I walked toward it and there Lovie stood, hand on the knob, sobbing. I got down to her level and calmly got close to her and gave her a hug and told her that I was so sorry she was so sad and upset. I told her daddy really wanted to take her but he had to do some work before going to work. I scooped her into my arms and held her tight for a minute. She just sobbed. She wasn't angry or yelling anymore. She was just... sad.

And boy did that make me sad.

I took her to the bathroom so she could go potty and that's where she revealed, "But I'm gonna miss him."

My heart just about split in half.

"Oh baby," I said. "It's okay to miss daddy, he's gonna miss you too. I bet he misses you already. But you still have to go to school, he still has to go to work."

"But I'm gonna miss him."

The tears dropped into the palms of her hands on her lap.

"Sweetheart, let's go give him big hugs and kisses and then you can tell him that you'll miss him."

So we did just that. And she burrowed her head into him and they hugged and hugged and he told her how he was going to spend a lot of extra time with her tonight when he got home.

And that was that. She was fine. She stood up and jumped into my arms like she always does in the morning and off we went to get our coats on and leave.

November 19, 2013

So it's Tuesday and Hey, it's my husband's birthday, too!

I honestly don't know what's going on with me, but I'm really trying to stay focused and keep writing but it's not easy. It's just not. I'm going to blame it on the fact things always get so damn crazy and busy end of year. 

Lovie and Zoe, taken the night before Zoe died. We had no idea. Besides me, Lovie is the only person Zoe ever allowed to get close to her. She was kind of a mean cat like that. Heh.

My cat Zoe died last Saturday. I could write about that, I suppose but-- and this will get me plenty of side eyes and what not-- I'm just not that upset. Sure I shed some tears, but they were mainly a result of Lovie's reaction to it all. Sure it was a ridiculous shock, but... she was a cat. She lived a good life with us. And now she's gone and now we're stuck with the one cat that makes a bunch of noise crying all the time.

I made this in Picmonkey! for FREE. I'll be printing it out and attaching it to lollipop sticks and popping it into her cake as a cake topper.

Lovie's birthday is coming up in... 41 days. A couple months ago, I found a company that does parties dressed as Disney Princesses. For less than what it would cost to have a jump house party, I could get Rapunzel or Ariel or whomever to come to my house for 90 minutes and be all princess-y and girly with Lovie and her friends. As much as I detest princesses, I had a feeling Lovie would be over the moon with a "real" princess sitting in her living room. Alas, she's been insisting on another jump house party and since it's her birthday, she gets to choose. She's also decided within the past couple weeks that she'd like a Paw Patrol cake and goodie bags. At least it's not Dora.

Speaking of birthdays, today is my husband's birthday. Lovie colored him a card last night and made a heart and signed her name inside it and gave it to him this morning. Then she had him read her a book we just took out from the library last night. Yay, it's your birthday, read to me. On the way home from work and school, Lovie and I will stop off for a cake for tonight. And then Saturday? Eek, Saturday the Tayester and I will be going to a hotel. Overnight. Alone. Together alone. Without Lovie. That's my gift to him. It'll be our first night together without our Lovie.

November 7, 2013

on this day one year ago

...I posted a little story about Boating Voting!

It made me giggle reading it just now so I thought I'd share the giggle with you. Go forth now and enjoy. ;)

November 5, 2013

a gorgeous Sunday in Fall

There's so many things I love about this photo below:

As you can see, it's not a gorgeous image or anything. There's nothing special about it, really. Not to the average person. But to me, there's so much I love: the colors from the trees, the fact that the sun is getting ready to slumber, the awesome playground structure, and, of course, the people jumping into action.

I took the photo with my cell phone this past Sunday. We had just gotten done eating a late lunch after a little photo shoot by a lake. It was quite chilly out, but beautiful. Gorgeous, really. A gorgeous Sunday in Fall. Lovie asked if we could stop at the park and we obliged. Why not, right?

Turns out we were the only ones there, which was fine by me. Lovie generally only wants to play with other littles when we go to the park these days, but she was quite content with just hanging with us for some reason. Which we ate up. Taye especially.

We've been together for 13 years now-- Taye and me. There have been hot moments and some downright bitter cold moments. The first year after Lovie was born, things were a little rough. I was so damn tired. I still am but it's different now. Life is different. Lovie is different. I'm different. Watching the two loves of my life interact... it just truly warms my entire soul. And that's what I got to do Sunday during our park visit. I got to sit and watch and take photos and laugh. Man, did I laugh. Because these two are like two peas in a pod. Neither of them needs much sleep, both of them are super damn funny and chatty and outgoing. And they both adore one another.

Lovie and Taye are leaping from the sidewalk on the playgrounds' edge, steps from where I was sitting on a bench. They were being superheroes. I had called for help -- my Kitties were in danger because they made their way to the Monster under the bridge (per Lovie) -- and Superdaddy and Superbaby (I can't believe she still lets us call her Baby. We don't tell her she's a baby because she's not, but we do call her Baby instead of her name most of the time and I'm just really surprised she hasn't yet put the kibosh on that. I hope she never does.) were off to rescue them! Over and over again and again. Poor Taye was exhausted, but kept up with Lovie quite well. I was pretty impressed.

These are them. These are the moments I cherish with all my heart. This is life right here. This is living. I never dreamed it could be this damn beautiful. Stunning, really.