July 30, 2010

Footsie Friday

Lovie is seriously *THIS CLOSE* to crawling. I know I've been saying that for days now, but it's true. Even the day care teachers keep telling me, "She's SO close!"  (I told them yesterday that I didn't want to know if she does it for them.)

I'm blaming this new milestone for the reason she's not napping much at day care again. Yesterday she got in two naps at a half hour a piece. She was out as soon as we got in the car and rolled right over as soon as I laid her in the crib once we got home.

She turned 7 months yesterday so I was hoping to do our usual photo shoot to celebrate. But she just slept and slept and slept.  She did the same thing on Monday, too. Slept from the time we got in the car at roughly 345 and just slept the entire rest of the day and night until the next morning (we wake early- by 530 she's dressed for the day during the week).

I miss my sweet baby doll on days like these.

Oh well, at least I got these cute pics of her feet. : ) 

And my BFF/cousin sent pictures from Lovie's birth day so there are newborn feet too!



Linking up with THREE blog hops this week (Hi Newbies!! Welcome!! Hope you like what you see or read. I'm having computer issues here at work this morning so I may be slow in getting back with you but I'll do my best, I promise. Have a great day.):

1.  friday-follow

New Friend Fridays

July 29, 2010

7 months

Dear Lovie,

Seven short months ago, my life, thankfully, was forever changed the moment I heard your first holler out to the world. And the moment I finally got to see what you looked like, my heart filled with so much more love to give to you. I had no doubts I wanted to be your mommy, I had no doubts I would love you the way a child is meant to be loved, but I just never knew how much that love could grow- and on a daily basis! And it’s sincerely all because of you, my sweet girl.

Life with you these past seven months have been so incredibly rich and an absolute dream come true. You’re a healthy, thriving child whose smile and laughter can brighten the darkest of days. You love to sit back and observe absolute everything around you. And once you’ve grown accustomed to some one or some thing, you love to interact and be involved. Your favorite things are: 
  • the Seahorse (still)
  • stuffed animals (this has been a recent discovery but you get so much delight whenever you play with a stuffed animal: you love squeezing and nomming on them)
  • sitting and playing
  • nomming on the mesh feeder with frozen fruit
  • drinking water from the sippy cup (though you can get easily frustrated when the sprout thing pushes in- particularly if it’s almost nap or bedtime)
  • the “dining room” light fixture (you will actually smile at it sometimes)
  • Zoe the kitty cat, which I think you’ve actually said (Kitty cat)! I’ve let you pet her a couple times and you get so excited when you see her now though I’m terrified that she’ll be mean to you or scratch you with her deadly claws.
  • rolling onto your tummy at bedtime
  • sleeping on your tummy
  • scooting around the crib
  • getting into the crawling position (this is a very recent activity and you’re super close to crawling)
  • locking your legs into the standing position whenever we go to put you down or get you into the high chair
  • playing with the toys on your high chair
  • nomming on books
  • playing with your toys in the play pen
  • playing with toys out in the open and trying to crawl (until you get frustrated)
  • eating fruits
  • playing/trying to eat your little ducky in the bathtub
  • saying dadadada
  • squealing, screeching, screaming in delight
  • grabbing and touching ev.er.y.thing
  • yanking off my glasses
  • being the best, most awesomest, most sweetest, most cutest baby in the world

As tired as I am by the end of every day, I’ve never felt so rejuvenated, so alive in my life.

Happy 7 Months, my love!!


July 27, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts


I have the space heater on here at work. It's 90 out. I HATE SUMMER remember? But it's so cold in here that I just needed to do it.

My debit card expires in 4 days and they claim they sent out a replacement last month. Oy.

I haven't looked through my mail - any of it - in about three months. I just don't see the point- except that now I need my replacement debit card.

I think it's super sweet when people get you a little trinket to let you know that they were thinking of you. But I hate when they ask about it later. I didn't ask you to get me anything in the first place so fuck off if I don't want to use it, wear it, show it off. It's a trinket FFS. Next time give me the $1.50 you spent on it and I can get myself an iced coffee. And drink it. And tell you all about it.

I really wanna get Lovie a pair of converse all stars but just can't justify the price. But I have my eye on a purple pair. Her feet are insanely small anyway. I bought a couple pair of Squeakers (I think they're called) once when they were on sale on Mamabargains and neither pair fit. One pair was for 3-6 months and the other was for 6-9 or 9-12 or something. I think she may have freakishly small feet. I almost asked the Pedi about it but I figured (hoped) he would've said something if they were freakish. She's never worn a pair of shoes since she's been born since the only two pair I bought don't fit.

July 23, 2010

You take the good, you take the bad

So daycare (DC). Lovie goes to an independent center that’s actually a Preschool… they even having Kindergarten classrooms. This was an awesome plus when deciding to let Lovie attend the place because she wouldn’t be plopped in front of a tv (none there!) and all of the teachers are sure to have a higher education in early education so there are actual lesson plans- even in the infant room! Sure it’s more expensive than in-home care, but I sincerely feel that this is the best place for Lovie. She’s thrived and I really do attribute a lot of that to the care they provide. Plus, because we’re most likely on team One and Done, she gets the social interaction she most certainly wouldn’t get at home alone with me if we could afford me to stay home with her. (Please, please don’t tell me if we cut back on things and sacrifice here and there, I could be a SAHM. I can’t. Not now. I bring too much debt and a condo that can’t sell for what I owe into the big picture, so until things turn around with the economy, we both have to work full time.)

So for the most part, I really am grateful for Lovie’s DC. It’s been nearly five months now (next week- holy shit eh!) and I really like all of her teachers and even the babies in her room. But there’s one thing I don’t care for- and haven’t since nearly the beginning: Lovie naps like shit when she’s there.

See Lovie’s quite the observer and needs to be up in everyone’s business. It’s not that she has to be right there in the middle of whatever’s happening per say, but she does have to be able to at least see what’s going on. She’s always been like this- even from birth when she was pulled out of me… She wouldn’t scream for the doctors (I think her Agpar- or whatever it's called level- was like 5 or something because of this!!) because she was too busy looking around (true story!)! The doctors even had to zap her with this buzzer thing a couple times to get a cry out of her! I mean, what healthy baby doesn’t scream as soon as they’re set free from the warmth of the womb?!?

Anyway back to the lack of napping thing…I’m tired of picking her up from DC and her passing out as soon as we get in the car. I mean, yes, it’s great that she sleeps so easily in the car because the commute can be over an hour some days but it’s more than that. When we finally do get home, she still naps and naps and naps. Yesterday for example, she napped a total of ONE HOUR at school. She’s there for 9 hours! How is a one hour nap for a near 7 month old even acceptable?!

“She was feisty, today,” was the response I got regarding the one, 1-hour nap.

Grrr. I really try not to let it get to me but it’s just hard. I do understand it’s hard for them because she really does like to constantly be in the middle of everything but golly gee, maybe if her crib wasn’t RIGHT NEXT TO THE PLAY AREA, she might be able to close her eyes?!

I guess I just need to pull up my big girl panties and confront them once and for all and ask WHY her crib is first and if they can move it to the back of the room.

I mean I totally understand that she naps much better at home because there isn’t 11 other babies running, screaming, crying, playing, eating, shitting, whatever. I get that. But it’s not like it’s a library at home, either; we talk in our normal voices, we watch TV at a regular level, etc.

I just miss my baby doll so much during the work day and rush to pick her up to spend some time with her- but then when we get home all she does is nap (yesterday was the worst- napping from the time we hit the car until her bedtime, waking up once to have a bottle and going right back down!).. And, yes, I can be selfish and keep her awake (most days) but that’s really not good for her. She, like every baby, needs to get their rest.

This is all just one more reason why I don’t even think I’m going to do a trial two week run with a compressed work week my job is offering – because it’ll mean she get even LESS nap time in during the nine days I’d be working later.

Ughs. Anywaaaaaaaaay. It’s Friday. Tomorrow I have to get a root canal (which I’m actually looking forward to so hopefully I can go one day without a screaming headache by the end of it) and Sunday the husband has to go into work early which means it’s just me and my Lovie! Cannot wait!

New Friend Fridays

July 22, 2010


When I was a kid, I never thought I’d ever get married- or have kids for that matter. 

My parents split when I was about 9 years old and explained nothing to us, to me (I’m the youngest of three), which left me wondering and soon believing that their demise was because of me. I was 9. What else was I supposed to think?!

Life was rough after they split. Not only was our family crumbling, but so was everything else around us: the house I had known my whole life was going into foreclosure because my parents wouldn’t come together and at least continue to provide for us; there were days and nights we didn’t have electricity or hot water; there were times I was sent to the store to buy cereal with the green and black lettering on it because it was the cheapest (generic) and had to pay for it with food stamps (back when food stamps were literally stamps) and eat it with powdered milk mixed with water; my older sister left to join the armed forces; my brother was never home; my father went a little insane and had to be arrested in front of me once for breaking into the house to get some of his stuff… Just a shitton of crap that a young girl on the cusp of adolescence should not really witness.

And it all left me with an awful taste in my mouth regarding marriage and kids. I mean sure I liked little kids and babies, but why on earth would anyone want to get married and have kids if ruining their lives is the end result?!

By the time I was full fledged teenager, I still pretty much hated life. I was angry, hostile, and just not happy. We were moving every year, I had no friends, my siblings were gone, my parents seemed to forget how to parent. What was the point? I immersed myself in music and writing. It was my only escape. I could get lost in the music and dream of a better day and I could release some of the angst through my writing. But I still didn’t want to get married, still didn’t want to have kids. I sincerely didn’t think I would live to see 20 years old. I hated life that much.

And then I found out that Bryan Adams would be touring (1986) and I adored him and his music. I picked up his latest album at the time, Into the Fire, and purchased concert tickets the day they went on sale and listened to the album over and over again to sort of prepare for the concert (haha the mind of a 14 year old!). That’s when things started to turn around for me. His song Into the Fire touched me in a way that made me feel like maybe I wasn’t so alone in this world after all.

So I held on for his show… and more.

A couple years later, I met my oldest nephew and finally saw that there really was more to life than sorrow- and maybe there was a future for me after all. From that point on, anytime things got to be too dark, I listened to Bryan Adams and thought about “my kids” (nephews and nieces) and wrote.

That’s why today, at nearly 38, I say that Bryan Adams saved my life- and I mean it, too. And it’s also the reason behind his song Heaven being the song the husband and I danced to as our first dance as husband and wife.

1984 (the year Heaven was a hit) meet 2007 (the year we got married).


I’m one lucky lady!

I have an adoring husband who danced to a 23 year old Bryan Adams song on our wedding day, who gave me the greatest gift ever imaginable (Lovie), and who has taught me and proved to me that the past doesn’t always dictate the future.

I really am in Heaven.

Mama's Losin' It

July 20, 2010


The other day (last week sometime), Lovie started locking her legs when put into the standing position. We used to play this UP and DOWN game where she'd sit on my lap facing me and we'd hold hands (or I'd hold her hands eh) and then help her stand UP and then kind of guide her DOWN into the sitting position.  "Up!" and "Down!" I'd proclaim and her face would light up- especially when she'd flop down on her bum. We'd do this several times till she couldn't really put anything into the standing part.

Well... we can't play it anymore because anytime we do, she just locks her little legs after I say "Up!" and I can't get her to unlock them until she tires out. Heheh. She's so fucking cute.

Here she is standing:

I put her in place but she's standing nevertheless. Note her little tongue sticking out. Ha. I love it. And her. So much.

And here she is being insanely cute:

I mean, really; what's not to love about that face?!???! My Lovie!

July 19, 2010

Can you see this/help?

I had a wedding shower to go to yesterday and while I'm not one to leave my baby when I don't have to, I just didn't think a wine bar (where the shower was being held) was an appropriate place to bring my doll... so we packed up the car and headed out to grandma's (and great-grandma's)!

Mother's Day was the last time they saw my Lovie so it took her a second to warm up to them... but their smiles and kisses and hugs and complete attention made it a super easy and fast transition.

And before you know it, my Lovie was like, um, making out with grandma! It was crazy. She (Lovie) just wouldn't stop grabbing grandma's face and kissing it!

Hopefully you can see that picture because that's the only one I could take (stupid camera phone makes everything so blurry).

(Shhhh Grandma, don't tell her I gave you a million kisses or she'll want a million and one!)

I did get a 20 second video of the make-out session- the end of it- but I have no clue how to get it off my phone! Anyone know how to do this? I tried uploading to Facebook, like I do the pics I take with the same phone, but I don't see the option. Boo!

OMG was it hysterical!

July 16, 2010

Because I can

... and because she always makes me smile.

Happy Friday! Happy Weekend!

New Friend Fridays

July 15, 2010

Every girl needs one: The little black dress

I couldn't resist...Saw it at Walmart for a whopping $3.00 (onesie) and had to get it. Can't wait to put Lovie in it! I have a wedding shower on Sunday to go to without my Lovie (her name wasn't on the invite). I wasn't going to go because I *like* going places with my child, but I figure I needed to since I most likely will skip the wedding since, again, Lovie's name wasn't on the invite. I'm sort of hoping that they'll ask about Lovie (since the bride to be and her mom, whom I'm friends with, have yet to meet Lovie) and tell me to bring her to the wedding... Then she'll wear her little black dress. Bwahaha. I crack myself up.

July 14, 2010


The hot sun beating down.

The 100% humidity day in and day out.

And it's not even mid-July yet FFS!

It's seriously no wonder I don't really know anyone who was born in April!


July 13, 2010

Show Off

Finally had Lovie's 6 month appointment today (2 weeks after the big milestone):

Doc called her a show off because of her sitting (like a pro for a month now), because she's done blowing raspberries (that's *so* 4 months!) and is now doing consonants. :) 

She was a champ with the shots- cried a tad with the second shot and that's all she wrote. She's napping now.

She's in the 75th percentile for everything:

26.5 inches
17.4 pounds
size 3 diapers
size 6-9 month clothes
100% special, adored, loved
(never remember the head circumference- but it, too, is 75th%)

July 12, 2010

Ah, the weekends!

There's just nothing like the weekends anymore. It's what both the husband and I work for, live for... we get to wrap ourselves up in the warm coziness of family and remind ourselves how awesome it is. Not that we need the reminder. It's not like we're working longer hours than required or staying out late during the week as we both rush home as soon as we can to be with her.

Our Lovie.

But the weekends are just so much more than the hustle and bustle of the week. We get Lovie all to ourselves.

It really is more than what I imagined it would be. I can never grow tired of this.

July 9, 2010



I have to go to the dentist today.

I can't put it off any longer.

My mouth hurts too much and I'm getting headaches every day as a result (pretty sure).

I hate the dentist.

I know, I know: Who likes going to the dentist?  Freaks, that's who. ;)

Besides the pain and the embarrassment (I couldn't even tell you how many fillings, crowns, etc are in there), it's just so fucking expensive. Even with "dental insurance".

And besides all that, I'm just - plain and simple - a'scared.


... and I forgot toothpaste so I can even brush before I go.

July 8, 2010

I'm not sure if it's this shittastically hot and humid weather, the fact that I've had killer cramps and really heavy bleeding now for days and days, or the fact that I'm just a miserable bitch... but I'm feeling so Blah lately.

Thank God for Lovie.  That's all I can say, really.  I've been in this place before...this place in my head...this place that leaves me questioning so many different things.  And it sucks so bad. 

Thank God for Lovie.

July 6, 2010

Holiday Weekend Review in Photos

The weekend started out with a visit from my BFF/Cousin from NYC. Lovie and I picked her up from the airport at 10am Saturday and the three of us spent the rest of the morning at a new favorite breakfast joint before coming home, dropping off the babe with the husband, and going out for mani/pedi's. Fortunately Lovie napped the whole time we were out so we missed not one moment with the star of our weekend/life.

When Lovie wasn't being doted on she was either sleeping or eating... while she occasionally will turn down "solids", she never rejects a piece of frozen fruit in her mesh feeder (greatest friggin baby invention, I swear!)...

... or her toes. Lovie never ever rejects her toes and will Nom on them whenever she can!

(I couldn't help but to notice that regardless what is done to her hair, Lovie has a couple of strands of hair that roll together straighter than the rest of her kinky curly hair. It drives me crazy for some reason!)

While Lovie napped early Sunday morning, I dropped off my BFF/Cousin at the train station so she could visit other family that live 60 miles out of the city. And because it was ridiculously hot the entire weekend, both Sunday (the 4th) and Monday were spent indoors with my little Firecracker.  No BBQ's, no fireworks, just Momma, Daddy, and Lovie.  It was GLORIOUS!

Hope you had an enjoyable weekend, too!

July 2, 2010

Everything is new

Two years ago a friend of mine found out she was pregnant. And then found out she was miscarrying. Days later, I found I was pregnant...due to have my first baby in March of 2009. Almost a month after that I found out it was over and had to have my baby surgically removed.

My life would never be the same.

I was (nearly) 36.

I was sure I'd never become a mommy.

I was also sure that more than anything in this world, becoming a parent is what I wanted to do, who I wanted to become.

I started looking into adoption.

I wanted to be a mommy so bad and didn't need to become pregnant to do so.

My husband didn't feel my passion. He was saddened by our loss but he was optimistic that I would get pregnant again and still have a baby "of our own". I tried to absorb some of his positivity but nothing helped. I became an angry, bitter bitch. Life was never so dark.

Every month that passed brought reminders of what happened. The surgery left me with burning cramps. And clotting. And heavier periods. And the worst PMS. I tried to mask it all by eating. And eating.

I even cut off all of my hair.

Nothing seemed to help. Blogging about it helped a little because I was able to get all the ugliness out of my head, but being able to read through it whenever wasn't so great.
I never got over my loss.

Even today I still think about it... it's one of the reasons I've been more quiet this week (in addition to the fact that another friend of mine is going through the same fucking thing today). Because tomorrow will be the 2 year anniversary from the BFP. And Lovie's 7 monthday will be the 2 year anniversary of learning about it ending.

July is just not a fun month for me. I'd much rather hibernate in a dark, cool cave for the month.

Except I've been blessed with Lovie.

So I can't go into a cave. I can't hide.

I really am incredibly lucky, you know. Not because of the pregnancy loss and surgery. But because of the life that I do have: Lovie.

She definitely makes everything worth while.

But I can't forget what happened. I can't forget the pain, the heartache.  Something inside of me died that day in the hospital. 


My dearly departed grandfather used to always ask "What's new?" whenever I'd see him.  And regardless how I responded (which was usually with a "not much"), he always said, "Everything is new because today is a new day!"  This coming from the man that was drafted into a war he didn't want to fight, who had his home stripped away from him, who had his wife and new baby taken away into a concentration camp... (no worries folks, my grandparents MIRACULOUSLY found each other and built their lives back up from literally nothing)

He was absolutely right, you know. Today is a new day and just because two years ago was the start to the best and worst month of my life, doesn't mean today and tomorrow will be a repeat. In fact, it's impossible!!

Because of her. My Lovie. My life. My everything. My daughter.